I have made three claims for Dr. Wilson's Memory Elixir, claims that are backed by an ironclad guarantee!
First, that Dr. Wilson's Memory Elixir promotes and revitalizes the capacity for learning and memory. You have seen a dramatic demonstration of that virtue already.
Second, that Dr. Wilson's Memory Elixir strengthens the nerves. I have, among my many satisfied customers,
a woman who, when I first met her, was unable to attend even small social functions without being filled with great apprehension.
She recently completed the Mount Desert Island Marathon! After 26.2 miles, she crossed the finish line and said to me:
You will say the same!
Third, that Dr. Wilson's Memory Elixir effectively wards off cataleptic neuroplexy. My friends, it would be irresponsible of me to stand before you without delivering a stern warning on the dangers of cataleptic neuroplexy. Who among us does not wish to stave off the day when that cold hand scribes our name in the Book of Fate?
Cataleptic neuroplexy, although rare among medical disorders, stands as one of the most horrifying and tragic of mankind's medical maladies!
Horrifying and tragic! Horrifying because its unsuspecting victims may ignore the innocuous early symptoms - perhaps a slight coldness of the hands and feet.
As the disease progresses, its unfortunate victims are filled with a insatiable lust for sleep, culminating in a desire for as much as five or even six hours of sleep a night!
Finally, the victim falls prey to a slowness of movement, then a creeping paralysis, eventually becoming locked within a wretched prison of immobility, unable to move, unable to speak....
Horrifying and tragic! Tragic because this miserable and invariably fatal affliction can be prevented for pennies a day! I say to you, prevented for pennies a day!
Who among us would risk all that we value in life for such a trifling sum?
I have with me today a limited supply of this marvelous elixir - the crowning achievement of modern medical science - which I am prepared to furnish at a modest price. Please don't crowd the stage sir; you will have an opportunity to buy a bottle in a few short moments.
Dr. Wilson's Memory Elixir! A wholesome blend of natural extracts of thirty different herbs and root vegetables that promotes and revitalizes the capacity for learning and memory, strengthens the nerves, and effectively wards off cataleptic neuroplexy!